Carl O’Byrne is a graduate of the University of St. Michael’s College. He has a background in education. Currently he is the coordinator of All Inclusive Ministries (AIM). He is the first of several writers to contribute periodic posts on issues related to the Synod on Synodality.
On October 3, the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith published Pope Francis’s response to “dubia” (questions or, more accurately, literally “doubts”) presented by several Cardinals. The dubium, with its response, that concerns this blog is the second of five: 2. Dubium regarding the assertion that the widespread practice of blessing same-sex unions is in accordance with Revelation and the Magisterium (CCC 2357)
My first reaction to this news was, “How is it possible for the Pope or anyone to give a response to such a complex question with essentially a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer? Surely an impossible task.”
I realized that the question bugged me far more than the response. Not surprisingly, there was immediate media analysis, and coverage regarding this matter. Much of it hurried, so as to make the evening news (for those who still watch) with viewable sound bites.
For me: Enough already.
A couple of days after the Pope’s response, my partner and I took a drive up to the Bruce Peninsula. That day trip through the mystical landscape of the Bruce, for me, brought together Bette Midler; Job; Grace, a long-time resident of Cape Croker; and Pope Francis.
Among her many talents and lasting presence in various media, Bette Midler remains a gay icon. Justifiably so. The opening verse of Bette Midler’s 1973 song, Friends, alternatively titled You Gotta’ Have Friends, asserts:
And I am all alone
There is no one here beside me
And my problems have all gone
There is no one to deride me
Being alone is seen as the only possibility where problems can go away: a place psychological or physical, with no one else present to deride. It is also a state of being that aptly describes the condition of many Roman Catholic 2SLGBTQ+ people here in Toronto, and globally. Too often, and for very understandable, valid reasons, 2SLGBTQ+ people have left the Church. Within that specific context, we, 2SLGBTQ+ people are alone. Very, very alone. Again staying within this context, we do not have to contend with, or respond to, any dubia. And still, staying in this narrow context; bonus! there is no one to deride us.
But being alone – often deliberately, cruelly, and rather skillfully excluded from our faith communities in the Archdiocese, and its many parishes, by many of those ordained to manage, and to minister to, in a pastoral way, the needs of all, including 2SLGBTQ+ people – is not the way humans live.
Friends are important. In the Bible, the Book of Job has a great deal to say about friends, and friendship. In the face of unbearable suffering Job’s friends come to him. In silence first. Their physical presence might have been enough. But then they opened their mouths; to me, insensitively at best, offering Job official-party-line – the objective truth of the time – explanations as to why Job is the way he is, and then outlining what Job is to do. Ultimately God was displeased with the friends’ intrusion. Job’s friends were – precisely because they were his friends – good, well-meaning people. To me, the scarlet Cardinals who authored the recent dubia are good, well-meaning people, sincere in their certainty as they are certain in their fashion sense — i.e., Gammarelli surplices. Their doubts, among other things, give rise to discussion as to how people relate to others, themselves, and ultimately to God. This is a positive. The Pope’s response further continues this discussion about human relationships: friendship, and the necessity, importance, and limitations of friends. So too, does Bette Midler.
But ya got to have friends
The feeling’s oh so strong
Ya got to have friends
To make that day last long
After lunch we — my partner, our dog, and I — were driving through the lands on and around Cape Croker. My partner had never been to this part of Ontario and I was happily playing tour guide. Many years ago I often had occasion to go to the Saturday market in Owen Sound. I always bought fish from a particular merchant. He was Indigenous. His wife was the fisher. They lived on Cape Croker. His job was to transport and then sell, at the Saturday market, the fish his wife had caught. We always talked, and he relayed cooking instructions to me from his wife.
As we were driving, I noticed an elderly woman standing by the side of the road. She had a cane and was hitching a ride. I slowed the car and was pulling over to pick her up when my partner – an urbanite, and from a generation that never hitched rides, or picked up hitchhikers – voiced concern, concern bordering on near panicked alarm. He also watches scary movies, and horror-filled TV series.
I picked up the hitchhiker. My partner, without being asked, out of politeness, had joined our dog in the back seat, giving our guest the front seat and more space. We introduced ourselves. Her name is Grace. She with her boyfriend have lived on the Cape for nearly 40 years. I asked her where she was going and, even though it was slightly off our planned destination, we offered to drive her there. She would not hear of it. She asked me to drop her at the turn-off we would be taking. I protested. The wind was biting. She insisted. She stated that she had many friends on the Cape who knew her, and that she would not be alone for long as she waited for another ride. In the short time she was with us, much was discussed. Along the road were the many orange signs proclaiming the rights and aspirations of Indigenous people. Surprising to me, we drove past someone’s house, in front of which was a small, well-maintained shrine to the Virgin Mary. I remarked on the statue, and wondered aloud how it was that the statue was not vandalized given the past history of the Indigenous people with the Church.
Grace’s response, unlike the Papal response in far-off Rome a few days before, cut to the heart of the matter. “You’re still Catholic, and gay. You guys look happy. You haven’t let anyone wreck you. It’s the same with that statue.”
She knew we were gay. That was easy. She explained that the reason she had figured I, at least, must be Catholic, like her, was that I had noticed, and commented “nicely” on Mary.
Standing at the end of the road, boys
Waiting for my new friends to come
I don’t care if I’m hungry or poor
I’m gonna get me some of them
Pope Francis, like Bette Midler, Job, and Grace, is very much aware that human connection actually exists in this world. The Pope writes “… in our relationships with people, we must not lose the pastoral charity, which should permeate all our decisions and attitudes. The defence of objective truth is not the only expression of this charity; it also includes kindness, patience, understanding, tenderness, and encouragement. Therefore, we cannot be judges who only deny, reject, and exclude.”
All Inclusive Ministries (AIM), a Roman Catholic LGBTQ+ organization, is one possible, and partial, response to the above. AIM is a place where people gather to meet, talk, and be. It, and we, 2SLGBTQ+ folk choose to focus on the more positive aspects of pastoral charity the Pope highlights. We are grateful to the Jesuits (Society of Jesus) not just for their pastoral support at the height of the AIDS crisis in the mid-1980s, but for their continued and sustaining friendship and support throughout the years. We are grateful for and cherish the Toronto Dominicans (Order of Preachers) for the words of friendship they offer to us in their homilies. And to the University of St. Michael’s College for its friendship, evidenced in much appreciated and necessary practicality – its ongoing hospitality to 2SLGBTQ+ people, and AIM – providing welcome space at the Kelly Library for AIM Movie, and AIM Book.
My reaction to the Pope’s recent comments?
Here we, LGBTQ+ people, are, here we will stay. How is this going to be?
We will figure it out.
Bette Midler. Friends. To listen click here.
As part of the spiritual conversation that is part of the Synod, InsightOut will be sharing posts from various community voices, touching on key topics that have arisen during the synodal process .
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